


I'll Be The One (If You Want Me To)

by Doodlebloo



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Denial Denial Denial Denial Bitch are the stages of grief keep that in mind everyone, Gen, MARCH 1ST STREAM SPOILERS, Ranboo is a good platonic husband, Tommy is dead fly high king, Tubbo is grieving, this is very monologue-y sorry abt that, tubbo is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:53:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodlebloo/pseuds/Doodlebloo
Summary: Since the word got out, everyone has treated Tubbo like a bomb that could explode if they get too close. They look at him likehe'sthe one who's died.In a sense, he has.He'd been bewildered when Tommy asked, "What am I without you?"Right now, though, Tubbo is not himself.-Hi everyone how are we feeling after today's stream... Bad? Me too :)
Relationships: Ranboo & Tubbo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 180





	I'll Be The One (If You Want Me To)

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to work in my other fic I SWEAR I meant to but I had to write something quick and cathartic like this to make me feel better, and I figured I'd post it in case it makes one of you feel better as well :)

Here's something no one tells you: when your best friend dies, everyone looks to you.

Tommy has no family to mourn him. His only brother passed long ago, his brother's father hasn't shown his face in months, and the closest thing he'd had to a father figure was half responsible for killing him.

Nobody quite knows how to react when he dies, and so, they look to Tubbo. They look to Tubbo, because if Tubbo isn't worried, if Tubbo says it's fake, that somehow makes it true. As if Tubbo can tell when Tommy's heart stops beating.

As if Tubbo hasn't been through all of this before.

The tower had been a TommyInnit death. It was dramatic, heartbreaking, dizzyingly cinematic enough for Tubbo to faint on the spot. Taking his own life in the pouring rain so Dream wasn't able to was a very TommyInnit way to go.

But this? Getting into a fistfight and losing? It was honestly a disservice to Tommy's character.

Part of Tubbo is apathetic. He's never met anyone harder to kill than TommyInnit, to the point of absurdity in some cases. When Tubbo had assumed he'd died, he'd greived privately, unable to show weakness as the president of a nation.

A week later, Tommy had shown up and called him a monster to his face. 

Tubbo would give anything for Tommy to call him a monster to his face right about now.

Tubbo would also give anything to be left alone.

It's been about an hour since he's gotten the news. Ranboo stuck with him until Tubbo insisted he wanted to take a walk alone, and Tubbo had immediately regretted telling him to leave, but he'd spotted the red and white flowers in Ranboo's hands as he made his way to Tommy's house, and Tubbo knew he couldn't follow him.

Flowers were far too final. Flowers felt like a funeral. How many times was Tubbo going to have to plan Tommy's funeral?

And it _would_ be Tubbo planning it. Of course it would - who else?

When your best friend dies, you call the shots. 

Jack kept checking up on him, which was honestly more annoying than helpful, and Tubbo can feel the burning gaze of everyone he passes on his walk. 

Since the word got out, everyone has treated Tubbo like a bomb that could explode if they get too close. They look at him like _he's_ the one who's died.

In a sense, he has. 

He'd been bewildered when Tommy asked, "What am I without you?"

Right now, though, Tubbo is not himself.

He walks along the path, head down, avoiding any eye contact at all. He knows he's coming up on Tommy's house, and he doesn't know what he's going to do when he gets to it.

Tommy had asked Tubbo to move in with him. Why hadn't Tubbo moved in with him? If he'd known, if Tubbo had known-

Still, though, it's _Tommy._ How can anyone really ever be sure that Tommy is dead? Tubbo hasn't seen a body, and he's been convinced that Tommy is dead before.

"Maybe," Ranboo had offered earlier, as Tubbo rang the prime bell, violently detached, "Sam is lying to make interest in the prison die down. I'm sure it's just a trick."

This, Tubbo thinks as he slows to a stop at Tommy's house, is a pretty mean trick for Sam to be playing on him.

Tommy's house is covered in flowers. That's good. Tommy will like those when he gets back.

In his peripherals, Tubbo spots the bench.

_Their_ bench.

He approaches it gingerly, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one is watching. Slowly, tenderly, he runs his hands across the wood.

Their bench is worn-down and weathered, but Tubbo prefers to call it well loved. Their initials are carved into the back. On the underneath, Tubbo knows, is their secret tally, untouched for over a month. 

They'd made a tally after the first disc war, to celebrate a win. Wins on the left, losses on the right. Tommy had been confident they'd be getting a lot of wins now that he had his discs back.

Both of them had stopped bothering to tally up the losses after the second time L'Manberg blew up.

Still, Tommy had insisted on tallying a win after their battle with Dream in the vault. It was the first time Tubbo had felt excited for his future in nearly a year.

If Tommy really is gone, it's a failure on Tubbo's part. Surely, that warrants scratching in a loss. But this is their bench, and that mark will stay there forever, and Tubbo isn't about to make the bench a permanent reminder of Tommy's absence- 

As Tubbo let's himself collapse onto the bench, it dawn's on him that this place will never again _not_ be a reminder of Tommy's absence. To Tubbo's surprise, he begins to cry.

_Really?_ Of all things to make him break, it was their _bench?_ Tubbo feels stupid for crying.

Feeling stupid does nothing to quell his tears as he curls up into a ball. He hasn't cried on the bench since the Schlatt administration, since Tommy had pet his hair and hummed along to the song that was playing as Tubbo desperately clung to the only thing he ever looked forward to.

It's funny to him, now - There was a time when Tubbo thought the Schlatt Administration was the worst that things could get.

The Schlatt Administration was when he finally stopped showing emotion at tragedy, switching to apathy instead.

Tubbo's apathy terrified him. He used to be the kind of kid that would cry if he stepped on a ladybug, and now he was able to murder and steal and build nuclear weapons without a second thought. Able to offer up his life for Tommy's and maintain a reassuring smile while he does it.

If Tubbo was given the choice again, his answer would be the same. It would always stay the same.

Tubbo doesn't even feel like he's crying, at the moment. Tears fall freely from his eyes, but there's no emotion attached. He feels completely numb, other than the guilt he feels for feeling numb, and he really, _really_ wishes Tommy were here.

Distantly, Tubbo thinks he should play some music. 

It hits Tubbo like a ton of bricks that he _can't_ anymore.

If Tommy is really... Gone, then so are the discs. All of them were in his ender chest. Tubbo could go find copies, sure, but... It would never be the same.

Tubbo sits on the bench in silence. Tommy is gone, and so is the music, and so is the sun as thunder starts to rumble, and Tubbo vaguely remembers Wilbur's description of depression that he'd given when he was nearing the end of his life. Tubbo had mostly tuned it out, but it felt like it applied here.

If Tubbo was being honest, he'd been running low on things to live for since before his presidency. Now, he has enough to count on one hand.

Tommy, L'Manberg, Snowchester, Ranboo, fear of death.

L'Manberg is gone, and apparently, so is Tommy. Snowchester is meaningless, if he's being honest - independence means nothing if your nation is a ghost town. In the vault, Tubbo had honestly gotten so used to the idea of his own death that he'd welcome it at this point.

Tubbo swallows. He remembers Puffy saying it was unhealthy to live for just one person.

Someone takes a seat on the bench next to him, and involuntarily, the tension drain from his shoulders.

_Ranboo._

Ranboo doesn't say anything when he arrives, just sits next to Tubbo and sighs softly. Tubbo tilts his head over to lean against Ranboo's shoulder, and he can't stop himself from grabbing Ranboo's hand when he sees the familiar glint of his wedding band.

They sit like that in silence, for a bit. The thunder still rumbles overhead, though it hasn't started raining quite yet. Ranboo is risking getting caught in the rain for him. Tubbo curls closer, reminds himself that Ranboo would be upset if he died.

Ranboo finally breaks the silence.

"I've been here before," he says casually. "With him."

Tubbo thanks god that Ranboo didn't use his name.

"I was rereading my memory book pages about him, earlier," he continues, "and writing some new ones. I'm going to try and read them every day, now that-" 

Ranboo's voice catches, cracks. He clears his throat.

"...anyway. Apparently he took me here, after my first day, after we... Y'know, committed arson."

Tubbo breathes a laugh. "Did he?" 

Tubbo realizes how _weak_ he sounds in this moment, voice hoarse and wet and uneven, and if anyone other than Ranboo were here Tubbo would be overwhelmingly embarrassed.

"He did. For some reason, he made me plant a farm...? I don't even remember if he ever actually used it. He also told me he didn't trust me because I was out to get you." He chuckles. "He really was overprotective, wasn't he?"

Tubbo sighs. "He was. He was the best."

Tubbo frowns. "Was" isn't right. "Was" is giving up.

"Is," corrects Tubbo, sitting up. "Tommy _is_ the best."

Ranboo's face falls, and he gives Tubbo that _look_ , the look that everyone's been giving him, like it takes years off of Tubbo's lifespan to speak Tommy's name.

"Tubbo," he tries, "he... You know he isn't coming back."

"I thought he wasn't coming back after the tower, and he showed up the next week with Technoblade and a hostage."

"Yeah, but-"

"Before we knew about the three lives rule, I thought he was dead when Eret betrayed us, or when he got shot to give us our independence."

Both of Tommy's prior deaths, Tubbo realizes, had been Dream.

Tubbo is not a violent person, but between years of trauma and months of repressed anger issues, he's fairly sure he could beat Dream in a fistfight right now.

"Tubbo, this..." Ranboo swallows. "I think this one's different."

Tubbo wonders if Sam would let him in, wonders if they still need Dream alive. Why hadn't they killed him when they had the chance?

Then it hits him.

The book.

"The book," he says aloud. Ranboo blinks at him.

"The... book?"

"The- the book, Ranboo, the book- Schlatt's book, the one that can revive people!"

Ranboo frowns. "Oh... Um, yeah." Tubbo can tell he doesn't remember, but he has faith Ranboo can follow along with his ramblings using context clues.

"That's- he isn't gone! He isn't gone!" Tubbo laughs, breathless and manic and maybe a little desperate. "All we have to do is visit Dream, okay, and ask him - no, _force_ him to give us the book, and then-"

"Whoa, whoa, Tubbo, you- do we even know how the book works?"

"I can figure it out," Tubbo retorts, and Ranboo knows better than to argue with him. Ranboo has seen the nukes that Tubbo made all on his own.

"O-okay, but- but what if only Dream can use it? Isn't he kind of, like, a god? How do you know you'd even be capable of bringing him back?" Ranboo's tail swishes back and forth nervously as he tries to talk Tubbo out of it, but they both know Tubbo already had his mind set on this.

"Because it's _Schlatt's book,_ Ranboo. Schlatt was not a god, he was a drunkard and an asshole. I may be an asshole, but I'll be sober when I bring him back. If he can do it, surely I can, too."

Neither of them mention Tubbo's identical horns, nor do they comment on Tubbo's unknown heritage. Tubbo only has enough mental capacity for one tragedy today.

Tomorrow, Tubbo will visit Dream. (Tommy won't be there by then, he'll have despawned, and if Tubbo's plan fails, he still won't have to see proof of Tommy's end.) He will use any amount of force or bargaining necessary to get the book from him, letting his apathy take over until he has the book in his Ender Chest. 

And if Sam won't let him in, Tubbo has a couple of launch codes that can pick the lock for him.

"I- Tubbo," Ranboo flounders, "you do remember that Dream tried to kill you. He- he said he wouldn't kill Tommy, and look what happened to him. I... What do you think he's going to do to you?"

Tubbo looks his husband square in the eyes as he stands. 

"Either way, I'm going to see Tommy again."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and also please make sure you are taking care of yourself! Storylines like this can get pretty heavy so remember to eat and drink water. If you feel like you're getting overwhelmed, take a step back and watch something happy, take a walk, talk to a loved one etc! You are loved and this angst arc is temporary and it's very, VERY likely that Tommy will not stay dead, so take a breath and be calm <3


End file.
